MISS DE BOURGH – Lady Catherine’s sickly, overbred daughter; communicates mostly in one-word phrases. A nasty, overindulged little gremlin. Rather keen on marrying Mr. Darcy.

LYDIA – The youngest Bennet. Lively, highly impressionable. Prone to imitating others’ behavior and eavesdropping. Enjoys balls, boys, and being right. Likes to matchmake; overindulged by her mother. Prides herself on cleverness.

LADY CATHERINE – Patrician Caesar-meets-drill sergeant. One of the richest women in England. Everything is beneath her, but nothing is beneath her notice. Capable of being quite casually cruel; thinks she gives excellent advice. Used to defiance; accustomed to flattery. Capable of being quite coquettish with men of her own social class—of which there are, perhaps, two in the world.

CHARLOTTE LUCAS – Same age as Lizzy. A practical girl with a good sense of humor. Not from much money. Capable of being quite dry and wry. Ends up married to Mr. Collins; tolerates him with some measure of success.

BENNET – The patriarch of the Bennet family. Finds amusement in absurdity; often looks for respectable escape from the chaos of his family life. Disappointed in marriage; engages in the kind of long-term psychological warfare that unhappy couples practice. Quite fond of a few of his daughters.

DARCY – One of the richest men in England. Too proper for his own good; awkward in most social contexts. Prides himself on self- control and good judgment. Not always great with words; says the wrong thing with some regularity.

BINGLEY – Loves the world and the world loves him. Mr. Darcy’s particular friend. Wealthy. Inclined to exaggeration; impossibly good-natured, and thus easily led. A bouncy, impetuous retriever of a man. Almost literally a dog.

MARY – The third Bennet girl. Bit of a monster; prone to pendanticism and sulking. She is Captain Bad Vibes; if you learned she was a goblin disguised as a human being, it wouldn’t be that shocking. Likes: playing the piano (badly); demonstrating her learnedness. Dislikes: being left out. A dark goth Bronte character trapped in an Austen world.

COLLINS – A pedantic, obtuse man. Rector to Lady Catherine, whom he worships like a God and is desperate to impress. A self-important, squat, sweaty man. He tries to be impressive- unfortunately, he has an idiosyncratic quirk wherein he cannot quite, ever, land on the right word. Bit of a pervert. Unctuous. Assumes that all young ladies are delicate idiots who need to be protected from themselves.

WICKHAM – An unfairly handsome and charming gentleman serving as a Lieutenant in the local regiment. Raised with Darcy, whom he resents. Knows just what to say, and just how to say it. Very good with the ladies.

MISS BINGLEY – A very rich young woman, sister to Bingley. Fancies herself witty. Rather beautiful; impossibly elegant. Determined to land Mr. Darcy, the richest man in England. Hates Lizzy Bennet in a manner that burns with the fire of a thousand suns.